Emma & Ben… Far From Home

12th – 17th April 2017

The pilot announced we had landed at Hanoi airport and almost immediately half the people on the plane stood up, despite the fact the seat belt signs were still on and they could go absolutely nowhere. These people had to stand in the aisle for quite a long time as some VIP was taken off the plane first. We watched curiously from the window as she was presented with at least 4 bunches of flowers. Then, once she had shaken hands with around a dozen people, the mystery lady was whisked away in a fancy car to wherever it was she was going. The rest of us plebs had to get the shuttle bus to the terminal to go through immigration. We didn’t get any flowers either.

Although I never found out who the VIP was, I’ll bet my bottom dollar she didn’t have to wait an hour and a half in a queue to pass through the border checks. It was pretty chaotic, people were getting really grouchy and the only light relief was seeing some Belgian lad in front of me get an absolute bollocking from the border guard for taking photos of the checkpoint on his phone, despite signs everywhere saying not to. He deserved it for his arrogance/stupidity and I’ll admit that I enjoyed watching him squirm.

Anyway, we got through in the end and made our way to the Culture Hostel, recommended to us by our friends Chris and Becki. Their recommendation was spot on; the hostel was conveniently located, the room spacious, and had the most ridiculously helpful staff in the world. They were truly incredible. I even wrote a Trip Advisor review for the place, something I’d never done before. 

The first thing we noticed about Hanoi was the weather; going from 37°C in Vientaine, this was much cooler and far more tolerable. However, it was also more humid, which played total havoc with Em’s hair. Em refused to pose for photos as a result.

The second thing we noticed were the motorbikes! There were thousands of them; it was like nothing we had ever seen before, despite having been to a number of South East Asian cities. 

The rules of the road? There is just one rule; there are no rules. Just guidelines (I think). Traffic lights seem to be optional, as does driving on the correct side of the road. However, bikes will happily drive along the wrong side (or the pavement) if that is easier (if not necessarily safer). All traffic approaches junctions by beeping their horns to warn others of their presence, but then seem to just carry on ahead at the same speed regardless. Amazingly, this absolute chaos seems to work, and we didn’t witness a single accident, even though there quite a few times we thought we were about to.

Crossing the road is an adventure in itself, and it takes some nerve first time around. You don’t wait for a complete break in the traffic; just a decent sized gap. When one appears, you start walking slowly and steadily (don’t run) and the traffic will just flow by you. I proposed a theory to Em that you could close your eyes, step out and walk across the road and you would make it to the other side. However, I didn’t have the balls to test it, so it remains unproven.

We really enjoyed our time in Hanoi. It was similar in some ways to other cities in South East Asia we had visited; it was very busy, quite chaotic and horribly polluted. However, it didn’t feel as sleazy or unfriendly as Bangkok and was not overwhelming like Yangon can be. The atmosphere in the old quarter (especially at night when the markets are on) is something special. The city also had a fascinating history, that can be explored through lots of excellent museums.

They say history is written by the victors; never has this been more apparent to me than in the museums in Hanoi. The notes that accompany all displays are basically government propaganda. The Vietnamese had been involved in a fair few conflicts in the last 100 years; firstly, in the struggle against the French occupation in the first half of the 20th Century; then, the Vietnam War (or ‘American War’ as it is known here) and also a war against China in 1979. They won them all, and like to let everyone know about it.

In the museums, there is no pretence at impartiality. The Vietnamese are always referred to as “heroes”, “comrades” and “martyrs”. The enemies they fought are referred to as “oppressors” and “imperialists”. 

Despite this, almost all the museums are really good, but we particularly liked the Hoa Lo Prison (sarcastically dubbed the “Hanoi Hilton” by the US POWs held there during the American War) and the Women’s Museum, which detailed the achievements of various Vietnamese women in history, including the roles they played during wars with the French and Americans. It must be said that some of the women were absolutely kick-ass; I was reminded of the final scenes in ‘Full Metal Jacket’. 

We also visited the Military History Museum, which had lots of planes, tanks and guns for us to check out, which I probably enjoyed a little more than Em.

The most surreal experience we had was visiting the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. Ho Chi Minh (affectionately known as ‘Uncle Ho’) led the Vietnamese through the struggle for independence against the French, and later North Vietnam in the American War, until he died in 1969 (he did not live to see the victory of North Vietnam over the South, and the subsequent unification). He is considered the father of the nation; his face is on all the bank notes and emblazoned on tourist t-shirts and government propaganda. It is illegal to speak ill of Uncle Ho; it’s basically blasphemy. 

Ho Chi Minh’s body is on show in the centre of Hanoi. Despite apparently wanting a cremation, his corpse is now a massive tourist attraction, with queues akin to those found at a new ride in Disneyland. I have no idea what Uncle Ho would make of all the fuss.

We ended up waiting for about an hour with thousands of other people (mainly Vietnamese) to walk past the glass box containing his body and pay our respects. Respect is the key word here; guards order people to walk two by two and insisted on absolute silence in the mausoleum. No hats, cameras or hands in pockets. Security is tighter than at most airports. Although it was a weird way to spend a morning, it was really interesting and worth it to get an appreciation of how the Vietnamese feel about Ho Chi Minh. He’s been dead nearly 50 years; we couldn’t think of any British person who would get this treatment. 

Aside from the history, the other thing we were looking forward to getting stuck into during our time in Vietnam was the food. Although we had heard a lot about it, neither if us had tried any Vietnamese food before (there aren’t many Vietnamese restaurants in Birmingham). On our second day, we signed up for a food tour.

On the food tour, we were paired up with a German lad (who had a passing resemblance to Robert Pattinson) and his Korean girlfriend. Our guide took us to a variety of shops to try a variety of local foods, including Bun Cha (grilled pork with rice noodles and dipping sauce), Nom Bo Kho (dried beef with noodles and dipping sauce), Bun Bo Nan (dried beef salad with dipping sauce) and a variety of fried foods (with dipping sauce, of course). The dipping sauce was nice but had a tendency to make everything taste the same if there was too much of it.

Em is normally a vegetarian in Asia (she doesn’t trust the meat; to her, eating meat is playing “food roulette” – it is bound to make you sick sooner or later). However, she bravely tried all the meats, with the exception of the fermented pork, at which she drew the line. She also skipped the egg coffee (yes, it is pretty much what you think it is) although I quite liked it. We really enjoyed the food tour and would certainly recommend doing one to other travellers who visit Vietnam. Our favourite dish? Probably the Bun Cha.

We ended up staying in Hanoi longer than we had planned; this was partly because we struggled to get a tour to Halong Bay (our next stop) and partly because we decided we wanted to extend our visas and stay in Vietnam longer (sorting this takes a few days). However, it wasn’t a problem at all. We really loved Hanoi and were glad that we had the extra time to explore it in the end; it was one of our favourite cities that we had visited so far!

(Posted by Ben)